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About Varied / Artist Member SuicidalArtist00021/Male/Unknown Recent Activity
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SuicidalArtist000

Artist | Varied
“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart." - Vincent Van Gogh
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My "dream" is to become a Concept Artist, to be able to portray Character/Environment design Digital paintings and Traditional illustrations of an at-least acceptable/honed skill/level. Works of such level/skill that will invoke hope in those that come after me (if i succeed) that they can do the same and attain their own hopes as well. Art is my Road to Damascus.

In this bloody struggle to obliterate my own mediocrity and better myself, if i succeed, My Hope and Goal is to inspire others that achieving their dream is possible, if even a subhuman failure as myself manages to succeed, to give the hope to others that i myself have lacked. I am committed to showing that anyone can achieve their dream and desired level of skill in their chosen passion, and to show what our imagination is capable of. I hope to permanently demolish the idea of "you have to be born with it to be good at something" and turn it into a myth. I hope to show that it is possible to ascend beyond mediocrity through effort and achieve admirable skill. If i fail, it would appear i was wrong, everything i will have so desperately tried to work for and achieve will have been for nothing, and i will accept Nothing but Oblivion as punishment for my pathetic humiliating mediocrity/failure.
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Favorite/Admired styles/Desperately trying to learn: [Traditional Drawing] [Digital painting] [Environment design] [Character Design] [Concept Art] (interested in manga art on the side)
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"Do or die" - ?
“Success or Death” - ?
"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees" - Emiliano Zapata
"Death before Dishonor" - ?
"Victory or Death" - ?
"To the bitter end" - ?

I hope to someday work as a Concept artist in the game industry, whether that shall come to pass remains to be seen. Though no form of "employment" or "career" is my reason or ultimate goal, which actually is just to hone my craft in this and attain an acceptable skill set/level for fulfillment, not fame.

Any lack of "activity" or lapses of time between uploading i sincerely apologize for, it is not because i "forgot/stopped" or anything of the sort. It is because everyday for an amount of time i am studying from any free/or reasonably affordable resource i can get my hands on every day whenever i have time desperately trying to better myself and i prefer not to waste my own or others time by uploading excessively mediocre trash, until my skill hopefully becomes presentable or acceptably developed.

I am unlikely to find a way to afford any of these courses/training/workshops or schools that teach amazing illustration/painting skills that would be crucial in becoming adequate in the skills/fundamentals needed for concept art (or almost any other style), I shall dearly hope to one day be able to be in one of them, like the fortunate people who are able to take part in them. But i am left to struggle in "self-taught" efforts and flounder about in the dirt of pointless suffering and death validating mediocrity.

It is an ever apparent fact that for some, achieving one's dream is impossible. Each person is entitled to the right to choose how to live or end their life as they see fit, for whatever reason they decide. It is an undeniable fact that death is more honorable and sensible than the humiliation, defeat, stagnancy, suffering and pointlessness of failure and mediocrity.

"A subhuman pathetic coward tolerates or accepts a life of the suffering of mediocrity/failure, A decent person chooses death" - P.S.C
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---The Inability to improve debilitating, The result of artistic attempts humiliating, The admiration of others work decimating.
---Some writers and artists create other worlds in their work because they are disgusted by the one that they live in.
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“A man sometimes devotes his life to a desire which he is not sure will ever be fulfilled. Those who laugh at this folly are, after all, no more than mere spectators of life" - Ryunosuke Akutagawa
“I could wish for nothing more than to die for a childish dream in which I truly believed" - Ryunosuke Akutagawa
"I have offended God and mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have." - Leonardo da Vinci
“I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.” - Vincent Van Gogh
"Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism" - Donald Kaul
"Without dreams we are nothing, We might as well be dead" - ?
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Advocate of Anti-Psychiatry (among other things as well) and am strictly against the labeling or deeming of anyone as "mentally ill". People have a right to their own mind and body. "Psychiatry" is a Subhuman cult of Atrocity. "Mental illness" Does not exist and is nothing but a pathetic mythical excuse used by bigots to discriminate against anyone they think of as "diseased" or when someone doesn't fit their control fetish guidelines of conformity and "not normal". Involuntarily detaining someone against their will under the guise of "treatment" is an atrocity, you don't get to identify others as "diseased".
Anyone who believes in "Psychiatry" "Psychology" or "Mental illness" is a disgusting worthless pathetic Subhuman bigot worthy of nothing but being put in a gas chamber.
Advocate of Anti-Psychology
Advocate of Pro Suicide.
Advocate of the Right to die belief for all individuals.
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:iconsinroock:
Sinroock Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hey, thanks for the fave on one of my OC's. If you like what I'm doing and want to see more, feel free to click that "watch" button on my profile page :iconnarusmileplz:
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:icondr8gonwolf666:
dr8gonwolf666 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Student
hmm... I agree with you about mental illness. I don't really believe in madness. No worries, I think you'll be able to reach your goal and get that level of skill :) I am self taught and started out with nothing either. Thanks for faving, btw.
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:iconsuicidalartist000:
SuicidalArtist000 Featured By Owner Edited Oct 23, 2014   General Artist
Sorry for the very late and overdue reply.  I appreciate the sentiment, though i must note on the matter of human nature and individuals experiences and interpretations,
that "madness"---
like love, sadness, happiness, fulfillment, and all other forms of human emotion and experience,
---is just another form of experience/sensation interpreted by the person based on their surroundings, but under all aspects of human nature/individuality, it is indeed, and never will be, a "disease" or "illness" such as delusional whiners with a dictatorial control fetish and childish discriminatory attitude will try to claim in their subhuman lust for control/conformity/domination over others.

Madness---
which can be an expression of philosophical realization that renunciates/refuses the current surroundings/conditions that the person exists in, or even an expression of the astonishing pain one may experience when they are dominated by this life's miseries/sufferings,
---is just another emotion, that we under the human condition are subject to, for some it is the final ultimatum in a stagnant crushing world which the person cannot tolerate existing in, and thus madness serves as the overflowing "ejaculation" of emotional/mind release the person's being needs as a consequence of existence in the world or the situation, even if it ends in voluntary death, which the realizations of "madness" find to be preferable in the face of a stagnant, miserable, and pointless existence.

But yes, as far as self taught goes, i use (though it would appear futilely hopeless) as much as possible alongside collected books/tutorials/etc, until hopefully i find a program/training/school/etc that i can afford.

I am currently looking into CGMA as a strong possibility. (unfortunately it's online only, but the total cost of all the courses added up individually in the end comes out to about only around $20,000, in comparison to many other places, some live campuses, that would cost $40,000 and above)

I would probably benefit in learning easier in a live campus instructor environment, but most of the live campuses are over $40,000, force irrelevant wasteful "academics", and only have seemingly a few relevant courses to entertainment design, let alone concept art.  While CGMA, (though unfortunately online only) is both only around $20,000, and it's course layout goes from very basic fundamental learning all the way through to advanced character/environment design skill learning.
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:icondr8gonwolf666:
dr8gonwolf666 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014  Student
Thanks for this thoughtful reply and i agree with you about the madness part. Have you ever read Paulo Coelho's book Veronika Decides to Die? It addresses a lot of things you've mentioned above.
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:iconsuicidalartist000:
SuicidalArtist000 Featured By Owner Edited Oct 24, 2014   General Artist
I have not read it, but i have heard of it.  I think i once saw a trailer for a movie of it.

I do however, remember long ago reading the plot summary overview of it online, and found the story ending to be highly grotesque, in the form of it being grossly biased towards "psychiatry" getting it's way and having captured the main character and then dominated the main character into submission and unrealistically "changing her" to like something she realistically hates.

I wouldn't care much to read through the book itself or the movie due to the largely morbid content of "psychiatry" and it's childish supremacy dictatorial control fetish power over the people being detained by it and childishly/discriminatingly labeled "diseased".
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:iconnatsuko-hiragi:
Natsuko-Hiragi Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Professional Photographer
Hey thank you for watching us^^
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:iconpinnoko:
pinnoko Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
well I got called a scientologist for putting the picture that said they tell you depression hurt's but they won't tell you antidepressants kill. and I also put a description at the bottom 
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:iconsuicidalartist000:
SuicidalArtist000 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014   General Artist
Because their spoiled control fetish dictates they must scream with tears of rage/discrimination whenever someone disagrees with their bigoted practice.
I couldn't care less for "Scientology" but "psychiatry"/"mental illness" control fetish freaks still usually try to claim that i'm a scientologist as an excuse for their failing bigotry.
Scientology may try to hold aspects of Anti psychiatry, but they are two different things, and only whiny spoiled "psychiatry"/"mental health/illness" complainers try to associate the two as being the same.
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:iconpansejra:
pansejra Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Thanx 4 the :+fav: :)
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:iconpintoro:
Pintoro Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
Thanks for the fave!
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