“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart." - Vincent Van Gogh
My "dream" is to become a Concept Artist, of acceptable skill/level, of acceptable ability in being able to portray skillfull and well done illustrations and paintings. Works of such level/skill that will invoke hope in those that come after me (if i succeed) that they can do the same. Art is my Road to Damascus.
In this bloody struggle, if i succeed, My Hope and Goal is to inspire others that achieving their dream is possible, if even a subhuman failure as myself manages to succeed, to give the hope to others that i myself have lacked. I am committed to showing that anyone can achieve their dream, and to show what our imagination is capable of. If i fail, i will accept Nothing but Oblivion and self punishment by death for my pathetic failure.
Any lack of "activity" or uploading i sincerely apologize for, I devote/commit to/study from books/tutorials/practice, and any free/or reasonably affordable resource i can get my hands on every day whenever i have time and would prefer not to upload further wasteful humiliating abominations until i have done something (or have begun reaching the skill/or understanding) needed to make things atleast presentable.
I am unlikely to find a way to afford any of these courses/training that teach heart-wrenchingly beautiful illustration/painting skills as i am not so lucky and privileged as so many others apparently are, so i am left to struggle and flounder about in the dirt of pointless suffering.
It is an ever apparent fact that for some, achieving one's dream is impossible. Each person is entitled to the right to choose how to live or end their life as they see fit, for whatever reason they decide. It is an undeniable fact that death is more honorable and sensible than the humiliation, defeat, and pointlessness of failure, mediocrity, stagnancy, or suffering.
"A subhuman pathetic coward tolerates or accepts a life of mediocrity/failure in suffering or stagnancy, A decent person chooses death" - P.S.C
I desperately desire to get into Entertainment design- (Environments+Character design/Concept Art), but i likely will never be able to afford courses to learn the skills needed, and even if it didn't result in a employed profession- i just wanted to reach a acceptable level of skill/ability in concept art illustration/painting in my personal work itself.
Favorite/Admired styles/Desperately trying to learn: [Environment design] [Character Design] [Concept Art] ([Manga] side liked style)
---Think you're bad at/incapable of drawing/art? Don't worry, I'm the worst there ever was.
---The Inability to improve debilitating, The result of artistic attempts humiliating, The admiration of others work decimating.
---Some writers and artists create other worlds in their work because they are disgusted by the one that they live in.
“A man sometimes devotes his life to a desire which he is not sure will ever be fulfilled. Those who laugh at this folly are, after all, no more than mere spectators of life" - Ryunosuke Akutagawa
“I could wish for nothing more than to die for a childish dream in which I truly believed" - Ryunosuke Akutagawa
"I have offended God and mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have." - Leonardo da Vinci
"I try to be genuinely cheerful, but my life is all so threatened at the very root, and my steps are wavering" - Vincent van gogh
“I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.” - Vincent Van Gogh
"Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism" - Donald Kaul
"Death before Dishonor" - ?
"Victory or Death" - ?
"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees" - Emiliano Zapata
"I would give the world to embody one half the ideas afloat in my imagination" - Edgar Allan Poe
Advocate of Anti-Psychiatry (among other things as well) and am strictly against the labeling or deeming of anyone as "mentally ill". People have a right to their own mind and body. "Psychiatry" is an Atrocity. "Mental illness" Does not exist and is nothing but a pathetic mythical excuse used by bigots to discriminate against anyone they think of as "diseased" or when someone doesn't fit their control fetish guidelines of conformity and "not normal". Involuntarily detaining someone against their will under the guise of "treatment" is an atrocity, you don't get to identify others as "diseased".
Anyone who believes in "Psychiatry" "Psychology" or "Mental illness" is a disgusting worthless pathetic Subhuman bigot.
Advocate of Anti-Psychology
Advocate of Pro Suicide.
Advocate of the Right to die belief for all individuals.